I am a fleshy machine, operating as has been dictated until such time as I cannot, at which point the mechanism fails and the components of the machine resume their basic forms to eventually participate in the operation of another machine. I reside in my brain via neurons which fire in concert with those adjacent to produce an orchestra of operation that creates order. This grants me the ability to think and process information insofar as my physical neural network allows even with some level, residing in the prefrontal cortex, which allows me to interpret my own social residence and relationships both of my self and of others. This does not grant me an absolute connection to anything, nor the ability to violate that which has been physically dictated; however, it allows me an illusion of such things so the machine may function in the complex existence in which it resides. My understanding of myself comes as a product of my nature and retains a level of mystery; such is usually addressed as a presence known as “God” or the unimaginable absolute, yet the nature of absolute mystery needs not be absolute in nature. I cannot comprehend my operation and existence–as may be impossible–yet while this does not place the infinite in my grasp, it allows me the illusion that the finite beside me and composing me is the infinite.
The infinite does not care for me. The universe would not take notice to my ending as a functioning being, for I am infinitely insignificant. There is no god to care and nothing to mind beyond the other finite and infinitely insignificant beings amongst the planet Earth which ultimately shall fail to function. There is no good by which I must abide or should abide, but only the actions for which I feel rewarded when I promote the operation of my own machine and it’s only goal of reproduction. This leaves me as ultimately worthless.
This does not alter the mystery. I am still able to pursue understanding and bathe in that which I am granted physiologically. It is not “the nature of the universe”; however, to me it may as well be. My body grants me this illusion of God or meaning so that I may operate and experience joy in my finite world. Ideologically my universe is in my grasp and I am unimaginably significant. In my perceived universe there are absolutes. This does not make such things the absolute unchanging nature of everything, but simply neuro-chemical reactions to which I am subject to completely.
I do not write this paper for my better understanding of what is right or wrong, but to support my grade. My grade I support so I may become educated and that I may gain money and social influence. I write this paper so my genes appear as the more significantly diverse of the lot so through biological desire for genetic diversity I may procreate. I write this paper so I may continue learning and understanding nature and myself so I may better protect my own functioning and existence. I can explain, vaguely, why I do some of the things I do, yet ultimately I continue to eat and breathe. I continue to write this paper even with the understanding of the anthropological implications of my doing so simply because in doing this I believe I may derive pleasure. At this moment I drink a Diet Coke, breathe, and type; all these actions I can explain why my biological self would desire such things and yet this does not have to negate the fact I am doing so. I am a bag of flesh on a warm piece of dust in space, yet to me and in my perception of the universe there is more–there is me–and this allows me to continue. I am a magnificent machine of infinite insignificance enjoying mysterious pleasure as often as I can.
